Beautiful Chaos...

We're going to trial

2011-12-06T18:52:00.001-08:00

We actually got into court and got the pre-trial out of the way! It was iffy. Just hours after I posted that we were on the docket for a pre-trial I got a call saying that it probably won't happen because they scheduled us with the ONE judge who has removed himself from our case. I was livid. BUT they were able to fit us in with another judge and it is over with. Now, onto the trial. I have no idea when it will be scheduled but we are crossing our fingers for January. It is supposed to last FIVE days. I just want this all to be over with. These girls deserve permanency. But even if a judge decides TPR is in their best interest the bio parents can appeal which could drag this out for YEARS.

For my girls!

2011-11-30T04:57:00.001-08:00

I love them always and forever...

tomorrow

2011-11-30T04:42:00.000-08:00

I've been told that we have a pre-trial scheduled for tomorrow. I won't hold my breath. But I'm hoping that it actually happens and we can move forward. This is a step in the right direction... finally. I'm thankful for a wonderful GAL that actually cares about these girls because DSS never notified me about this. Keep your fingers crossed for us :)

last month...

2011-11-10T11:48:00.000-08:00

...our family grew, again!

She was 8lbs 12oz & 22 inches long. We had an amazing homebirth and her big sisters are head-over-heels-in-love!

venting

2011-10-17T15:28:00.000-07:00

I believe in June I blogged about court getting pushed... again! Well, it was supposed to be pushed to August. It is now October and NOTHING! I'm assuming if it doesn't happen next month it probably won't happen in December since that's when everyone likes to take their vacations. Which would mean nothing will happen until next year. Rather than putting my girls on the Angel Tree and calling me to ask what size clothes they need or what toys they would like for Christmas why don't we just stop procrastinating and give these kids the gift of a PERMANENCY? These girls have more toys than they know what to do with and they don't need you to donate clothes to them. We buy them clothes because we are their parents. Rather than feeling sorry for the poor foster children you should feel angry at the poor court system!

Dear Mama,

2011-07-03T04:12:00.000-07:00

I know that you love these two girls. I know that you want to be a good mom. But I also know that you don't know how to be a mother. You were never taught and when DSS stepped in and tried to help you refused their help. You can't be a good mother to these girls. Love isn't enough.

It's difficult for me not to hate you sometimes. You gave birth to these amazing little girls that I love. But you also caused the issues that I get punished for daily. Our girl struggles with everything she's been through in her four short years of life - and you are to blame. I wish I could explain the impact it would have on her if she ever had to leave our home... her home. You would turn her world upside down. It would truly destroy her. And Baby Girl doesn't know you. I AM HER MOTHER - you are a stranger to her.

If you really loved these girls you would allow them to have permanency... something you and I both know you can't give them. I don't know how to make you understand that the state is going forward with TPR. I know you say you've changed and all of that awesome stuff that you think we all want to hear, but honestly, everyone in jail "changes". We both know that these girls will not be a priority the second you get out. You still have a while to spend in "time-out" (as you put it)... do you think I'm just a baby sitter for you? I'm confident that we will be a forever family for these girls one day, but I just wish you could see that it truly is best for the girls and for once in your life stop being selfish and make a decision in their best interest.

Lame

2011-06-24T03:53:00.000-07:00

Court got pushed again! Now, it's looking like it will be in August. Lame. I can't say that I'm surprised, but it is definitely frustrating (to say the least).

Tomorrow

2011-06-22T04:17:00.000-07:00

We will attempt the pretrial for the 4th time. But, I thought this happened last month? Me too! And apparently the GAL and SW did also. Come to find out, Mama and one of the fathers didn't have an attorney so it never happened. We have been trying to have this pretrial for 7 months! Oh, you gotta love our court system. Hopefully it will actually get done tomorrow so we can move on to waiting for the trial.

My Mother's Day Gift

2011-05-11T12:16:00.000-07:00

Five little charms with the finger prints of my five favorite girls...

Their initials are on the back of their charm.

I LOVE IT! The prints that they've left on my heart will also be worn on the outside for the world to see :)

Mother's Day Weekend!

2011-05-11T06:05:00.000-07:00

We went camping all the time when I was a kid. These are some of my favorite childhood memories. We've always talked about taking our kids but just never got around to it. So, for Mother's Day that's what I wanted. I wanted to experience the great outdoors through the eyes of my kids. They had a blast! They were filthy, we ended up getting ticks, R got sick on the last day... but we all had fun and can't wait to do it again. This made it all worth it:

Waking up to beautiful sunrises....

Enjoying our coffee

and hot chocolate by the fire in the mornings with friends....

And roasting hot dogs and making smores at night....

The kids had so much fun running around and being crazy... it made my heart smile!

Even the dogs had fun :)

Easter 2011

2011-05-11T05:47:00.001-07:00

Easter snuck up on me this year! We had just gotten back from D.C. and I still had to get everthing for baskets and eggs. Because of this we didn't go all out with baskets this year. Each girl got an outfit, a bathing suit, bubbles, and lots of candy. Oh, and they got the movie "Tangled".
Trying to share pictures when I can't show the faces of 2 of my kids is difficult. We saw the Easter Bunny. Baby Girl (who isn't much of a baby anymore) didn't really like being too close to him. The kids colored eggs at home (again, can't show you pictures of that because their faces are in all of them). We also went to an Easter festival where they got to color eggs again.

Then, we surprised the girls with baby chicks!

There's a farm near us that has a program every year called "rent-a-chick". We got to keep the chicks for 2 weeks. The girls loved it! But by the end of the 2 weeks I was ready to give them back. They are loud, messy, and had learned to get out of their box. They grew so fast...

Vacation, Easter, Camping, Mother's Day... Oh my!

2011-05-10T09:16:00.000-07:00

I have some catching up to do!

I'll start with our trip to Washington D.C.

The kids weren't very impressed with all of the museums so we didn't stay very long in any of them. But we managed to make it to the Museum of Natural History, the American History Museum, and the Air & Space Museum.

Seeing how much they weigh on other planets - at the Air & Space Museum

The girls liked the bugs at the Museum of Natural History.

Checking out mummies & skeletons at the Museum of Natural History

We then got a tour of the U.S. Capitol. I wasn't so sure about this, but it ended up being one of the highlights of our trip. It was very interesting and it's beautiful inside.

Inside the dome - "The Apotheosis of Washington".

We loved all of the Monuments! We've all seen them on TV or in magazines or whatever, but to see them in person is just amazing.

The Jefferson Memorial

The Lincoln Memorial

The Washington Monument

We also went to Arlington Cemetary. This wasn't high on the list of things we wanted to see, but I'm so glad we went. This place is gorgeous!

John F. Kennedy Eternal Flame

And of course you can't go to D.C. without seeing the White House!

After all of this, we had to do something fun for the kids. So, we stopped at Georgetown Cupcake.
Also known as D.C. Cupcakes on TLC. Needless to say, there was a line...

But it was worth the wait once we got inside. Their "Thin Mint Girl Scout Cookie" cupcake was amazing!

We did LOTS of walking
and
Lots of riding the Metro
We also did a little sightseeing on the Double Decker Tour Bus
We had a blast, but when it was all said and done we were ready to come home! We were exhausted but it was definitely worth it.

Last but not least...

2011-05-10T07:15:00.000-07:00

P.S.
It's a girl

ch-ch-ch-changes!

2011-04-01T08:57:00.000-07:00

We haven't gotten a date for TPR yet but we've been given the go-ahead to start calling the girls by their new names. Yes, we are changing their names when/if we adopt them. So, it's been quite the adjustment. All of us still mess up, but we're getting there. The girls LOVE their new names and just think it's the greatest thing. Actually, our 4 year old keeps referring to herself in the 3rd person just so she can say her name - haha I love it! We'll also be going on our 1st family vacation soon! I'm so excited. We are going to D.C.! I was really hoping to get a tour of the white house but unfortunately we have not heard back from our congressman. I'll have to remember that when it comes time to vote. I guess there's still time, but I'm not holding my breath. We are also planning our 1st ever camping trip! I loved camping when I was a kid. I can't wait to experience that again with my kids! I'm looking forward to all of our upcoming adventures :)

funding an adoption...

2011-03-22T14:44:00.001-07:00

Before we started fostering we had planned to adopt - internationally. That is why our URL is "SteeleAdoption". However, the thought of funding the adoption became overwhelming and we had decided we would foster until we could afford to adopt without causing us debt.

Obviously, we fell in love with the 2 little girls that were placed with us almost 20 months ago and plans have changed. We are now hoping to adopt them.

I just find it amazing the way things tend to turn out way better than we could have planned them. And now, not only will adopting domestically be FREE but there is a new tax credit for families who adopt special needs children. I've been told that most children in foster care - even if they seem perfectly "normal" - are considered special needs. Anyway, if you adopt a special needs child from foster care you can claim the tax credit without needing to document expenses. That is $13,170 per child! I'm not sure that our 2 girls will be considered "special need" but there is a good chance that they will be just because they are biracial and a sibling group. Think about what an amazing start to a college fund that would be! Or, just an awesome family vacation. Or, save it for a rainy day, their wedding, their first car... something, anything! I don't think this tax credit should be THE reason someone chooses to adopt, BUT I do hope that it will make those who think they could never afford to adopt reconsider.

Here's a link with more information on the credit: http://http//www.nacac.org/postadopt/taxcredit.html

Next Step: TPR!

2011-03-18T08:39:00.000-07:00

We got into court! They did the Permanency Planning & Pre-trial together. The plan has changed from Reunification to TPR & Adoption. The judge also agreed to stop visits. So, now even if Mama gets out of jail she will not have visits with the girls. Next step: the TPR trial! And we should be signing pre-adoptive paperwork soon.

Permanency Planning Hearing?

2011-03-16T02:50:00.000-07:00

So, you may remember that we were supposed to have a Permanency Planning Hearing in November. That was cancelled due to a conflict of interest. Then, it was rescheduled for February. That got cancelled - I still don't fully understand why. Anyway, we're going to try this again tomorrow. I am hoping the 3rd time's a charm! This isn't a huge step for us but it's a very necessary step so it will feel huge if we can actually get into court this time. This is basically to change the official plan from "Reunification" to "TPR & Adoption". We need to get this done so we can finally move on to the pretrial & trial (bio parents are not agreeing to the TPR and have the right to a "fair hearing"... blah, blah, blah is what I hear). Hopefully we can get past all of that so we can get to the TPR hearing.

It's been a while...

2011-01-26T03:05:00.000-08:00

Wow, my last entry was on November 21, 2010. I guess I just haven't had much to say. The hearing that we were supposed to have in November has finally been rescheduled for next month! Other than that we haven't had much going on. We had another review board this week (our 3rd one)and, again, they recommended TPR and adoption.
What have we been up to? Well, we got family pictures taken in November and they are so awesome. I wish I could share them with you. Here's one that doesn't show faces...

Then, we had my favorite husband's birthday. I surprised him with a date to an awesome new place where you paint and drink. We had a bottle of wine and painted eachother (Picasso Style).

Also, S turned 4! Where does the time go?

We also had an elf come to our house this year (Elf on the Shelf). Every day we'd wake up to him doing something silly. The kids loved it. It got us all into the Christmas spirit. Christmas was a hit too. The kids got everything they wanted. Lastly, C turned 2 and is officially day time potty trained!

I guess a lot has gone on... Maybe I should update more often.

more waiting

2010-11-21T07:05:00.000-08:00

The PPH didn't happen. Apparently there was a conflict of interest. The judge knew a relative so he refused to hear the case. But on a good note - DSS has filed for TPR. I guess we wait now for things to be rescheduled. I'm sure nothing will be done until after the holidays. So, for now... more waiting.

We have a court date!

2010-10-27T04:19:00.001-07:00

We have a permanency planning hearing next month! And DSS is finally filing for TPR! We're moving forward.... very, very slowly... but moving nonetheless.

help

2010-09-11T09:53:00.000-07:00

Mama is... away right now. She's asked me to send her pictures of the girls. Should I?

Background: I was sending pictures with the girls every month when they would go to their visits. Then, you all know we were doing the weekly phone call thing. Well, Mama would say things like, "I can't wait for you to come home, what color do you want me to paint your bedroom?" This would make S upset and she'd usually throw the phone and stop talking at that point. I had talked to the SW and we agreed that it was inappropriate. He said he would talk to her. She continued saying things like this. Well, I found out that he did talk to her but she (in no uncertain terms) told him that they were her children and she'd say whatever she wanted to them. That's when I stopped the phone calls. I saw that as an obvious sign that she sees her children as property rather than human beings and has no regard for their well-being.

Also, things have happened that have shown me that this woman can be violent... even to her own family. So, once things really started to look like reunification was out the window and we were going to head down the adoption road I decided to stop with the pictures. We just feel that it would be the safest if she doesn't have recent pictures of the girls. I don't need her trying to track them down. In the future, maybe. But now, no.

I can't help but feel guilty though. Is this the right decision? Obviously if the girls ever end up going back to her I will have all of the pictures printed and will give them to her. But if we adopt them... are we making the right decision?

the waiting game

2010-09-08T06:32:00.000-07:00

Nothing has changed. Mama is still away, no update on a Permanency Planning Hearing... we're just playing the waiting game.

It's soccer season. We have 4 kids playing this season. The Chief and I will be coaching S & D's team - that'll be a 1st for us. We're excited though.

The Chief takes his last test tomorrow for his new job. If When he passes he'll have to go back up to D.C. for his final interviews, then it'll be official. After so many years of crappy schedules he finally has a somewhat "normal" schedule. He could never have committed to coaching a soccer team before, so we are just thrilled. He has all of the benefits of being in the military (health care, job security, etc.) without so much of the suck (horrible schedule, deployments, uniforms, etc.).

No PP Hearing

2010-08-21T09:15:00.000-07:00

Well, we didn't have a Permanency Planning Hearing like I was told. It sounds like the social worker flaked on the paper work and it just never got scheduled. I'm hoping it will happen soon, but I haven't heard anything else about it.

On a better note - we had a visit from the adoption worker. She had been out a few months ago for an adoption assessment. Well, the girls were approved for adoption services so she came back out to meet with us again. It's now her job to gather as much information about the girls (history, medical, etc.) so when/if they do become available we will have all of that. We also discussed name changes, attorneys, and just how the whole process works. Overall it was a great visit and it sounds like things should start speeding up from here... we'll see!

My girls started school last week! I now have 2 in school. It's amazing how much more I can get done when I only have 3 home with me during the day.

What else? I bought a new camera! I'm going to sign up for some classes and hopefully I'll be good at it one day. Now that the Chief has a better job I can do things like this.

UPDATE: I guess it's out of the SW's hands and the attorney should have (if he hasn't already) done the paper work for TPR stuff... don't really understand what that means, but this is what I was told. So, I don't know if there will be a permency planning hearing or just a TPR hearing or what....

The next big event in our foster care world...

2010-08-05T17:21:00.000-07:00

The trial was uneventful. Basically, everyone got together and decided to do nothing. Yup... nothing. Just wait and let Mama continue doing what she's doing. The good news? They aren't leaving, not yet anyway. I am so relieved! Now, we wait for the Permenancy Placement Hearing. Luckily for us it is later this month... woohoo! DSS and the GAL are still planning on recommending TPR. I'll let you know how that goes.

Just waiting for the trial

2010-07-22T13:31:00.001-07:00

So we had FCRB and the recommendation was TPR. It was hard to see Mama so upset. I know she has nobody to blame but herself, but I don't like to see anyone hurt. I may not like her, but I do love her. How could I not? She gave birth to 2 beautiful girls that I love with all my heart. As difficult as it is to see her so upset, our focus has to be on the girls and what's best for them. So far, everyone involved seems to think that would be TPR. I'd have to agree. We will see what the judge thinks next month. If the judge agrees they will then schedule a TPR hearing. There is still time for Mama to change and a chance that she can get the girls back - but it's been almost a year and she is not even close to completing her treatment plan. I guess only time will tell....

coming up....

2010-07-13T05:14:00.000-07:00

We have FCRB coming up (just in time to have the recommendation for the trial). Last time they recommended TPR and not much has changed since then, so I can't imagine them recommending anything else - but we'll see, this state is good at keeping me on my toes.

That's really the only major thing going on in our lives right now. Other than that, the girls are doing great. C is getting bigger and bigger every day and she's saying so much now. She's starting to put words together (which is way cute!). Now, instead of saying "hi" she'll say "hi Daddy (or whoever she's talking to). She also started saying "I love you" (sounds like "I luh loo") - melts my heart :)

S is also talking a lot more. She's not so babyish any more. Her speech is much clearer now and she surprises me everyday with the things she says.

They really are growing up right before my eyes and it's amazing to watch.

R will be starting kindergarten NEXT MONTH - now that's crazy for me to think about. OMG and K will be in 4th grade.... AHHHHHHH!

D & S are partners in crime and if the girls end up having to leave I know D will be the one it affects most. I'm staying positive though, and I hope with all I have that we can adopt these girls!

This month...

2010-07-01T16:28:00.000-07:00

We have FCRB and next month we go to trial. Next month will also be 1 year since the girls came live with us - time flies when you're having fun.

Other than that, things we've been up to....

* We started cloth diapering and I love it!
* My mom and little sister came to visit. We had a blast and it reminded us all how much we miss them and hate living so far away.
* I got to go on a date with my favorite husband - we saw Eclipse.
* We also took the girls to see Toy Story 3 - super cute!
* We've been to the beach a couple of times and go to the pool several days a week.

That's about all I can think of for now.

training

2010-06-11T03:30:00.000-07:00

We had foster training last night. I love getting together with our foster association - it always makes me feel better to know that they're going through the same crap. Last night's training was a Q&A - a couple of people from DSS were there and a couple from adoptions. We were able to ask questions and get answers. I found out that if we were to adopt our 2 girls we would be done fostering because the limit is 5 children (including bio children). I found this odd considering I've been called since having 5 children in my home and asked to take another child. I don't know that we would want to continue fostering IF we were to adopt our 2 girls, but I'd like to have that choice... oh well. I wanted to ask if they would move our girls if I were to get pregnant, but I didn't because I don't know that I want to hear the answer.

Something else that I thought was sort of funny - in the Policy & Procedure Manual that they gave us it states, "Foster parents shall transport children in accordance with state public safety laws". This is funny to me because DSS doesn't even do this! They come to my house wanting to put my 3 year old in a booster seat or my 1 year old in a seat that has not been adjusted for her so the straps are just hanging off.... or when she was in an infant carrier the SW tried to just wrap the seat belt around the seat. Seriously, they need training on this!

We had an adoption assessment for the girls yesterday. Basically, the woman just came to the house to see if we even wanted to adopt the girls. She was very happy to find out that we do want to AND we've already been approved for adoption... makes her job easy. So, hopefully we will be plan B for the time being. And if Mama can't pull her head out of her ass we can become plan A.

The old SW rescheduled the visit for next week. I couldn't help but to be angry when he called. The reason I am upset about this is because she called THE DAY OF the visit and THE TIME OF the visit to say she was running late. Sorry, but you knew about this for TWO WEEKS. Now, if she would have called the day before to say, "hey, I'm not going to be able to make it, can we reschedule?" OR "Hey, I don't think I can get there at that time can we push it back?" BUT SHE DIDN'T. So, I believe she should have to wait until when her next visit would be scheduled - in 2 weeks. I'm tired of this worker being so accomodating to this woman. It's time to stop making excuses for her and hold her accountable!

I'm pissed!

2010-06-09T07:03:00.001-07:00

The GAL had mentioned to me last week that the girls would be having a visit with Mama today. What? I was never notified of this. She emailed our old case worker (who is now transporting) to verify this and to let him know that he may want to notify us about this visit. He emailed her back to confirm that there is a visit scheduled. That was yesterday! I called and left a message (also yesterday) with our new case worker. I got a call at 8:49 am from the old worker to let me know that he'd be here in less than an hour. WTF?
Me, being the awesome foster parent that I am, got the girls ready and now we're waiting. Why? Because he called to let me know that Mama is running late, so he will be here a little later. Hello... I had less than an hour to get the girls ready and she's probably known about this visit for at least 2 weeks and she can't even make it there on time to see HER CHILDREN? This is bull shit!

Update: The visit was cancelled. He wants to reschedule it for next week, I say she should wait 2 weeks since she gets visits every other week and it's her fault the visit was cancelled today. I guess we will see what the new case worker decides.

Wordless Wednesday: Talent Show

2010-06-02T11:18:00.000-07:00

out with the old, in with the new...

2010-06-01T13:53:00.001-07:00

So, our SW got the boot. I guess he had the option to get fired or take a demotion (he chose the demotion)... I'm hoping it doesn't have anything to do with our comments to the state auditor but I'm guessing it does. The change should take place this week. I'm not sure who our new case worker will be, but I've heard that it doesn't really matter. Apparently either choice isn't good - it's just a job to them (or so I've been told)... we'll see.

We had another visit last week - by WE, I mean THE GIRLS. It didn't go very well. I guess since I've stopped taking the girls to the visits S will not talk the entire time. And when she came home I got her lunch and put her down for a nap. When it was time to wake up I went into her room and she was standing in the middle of it POOPING IN HER PANTS. Needless to say, the visits aren't helping her mental health. I'm still working on getting her into therapy but DSS doesn't do anything quickly.

I haven't heard anything more about going to trial. I'm assuming it will begin sometime in September. I'll let you know.

What's been going on?

2010-05-13T04:31:00.000-07:00

* The Chief is going to D.C. this coming week!

* We are going to trial - Mama's choice

* Starting therapy for S

* Learning more about the case everyday - it gets more confusing & disturbing all the time.

* We have MRSA in the house

* I'm no longer making weekly phone calls or transporting the girls to visits - my choice.

* School is out at the end of this month! Then, I will have a FOURTH grader and KINDERGARTNER... O - M - G!

* K tried out for the talent show - we were shocked to find out that she made it, poor girl doesn't have a special talent... we're just thankful we talked her out of dancing.

* My mom and little sister are coming to visit next month!

* We also have a birthday next month - D will be 3!

* Did I mention R turned FIVE last month? Well, she did and my dad and step-mom were here to help celebrate at Chuck E Cheese :)

* Mother's Day was AWESOME! We had picked strawberries the day before. Then, The Chief made me strawberry cheesecake crepes and sausage balls for breakfast. Then, we had a picnic at the park. We spent most of the day at the park playing - we did the paddle boats & the girls played in the water at the splash pad. Then, we went home and The Chief made me a delicious steak & shrimp dinner.

Wordless Wednesday

2010-05-05T07:35:00.001-07:00

The Chief...

2010-05-04T06:17:00.000-07:00

will be leaving on a jet plane soon! He was selected for an AWESOME new job and will be going to D.C. for more interviews. I am so proud of him and what it means for our family... oh so many amazing things - no more deployments, a NORMAL (Mon-Fri) type of schedule, longer time at a single duty station, eventually more money. It's the most perfect job for family time while still having the job security of the military. My heart just smiles every time I think about all of the amazing opportunities this has opened up for us :)

can't say that I'm surprised...

2010-04-29T11:56:00.000-07:00

Today we had our 1st no-show visit. I sat with the girls at DSS for 40 minutes waiting for Mama. The SW finally got a hold of her and of course she had some lame excuse as to why she wasn't able to make it. I left feeling angry and sad but I can't say that I'm surprised. Being a parent is hard enough, but when I have to start making up for other people's shortcomings too... well it's just not fair - Not for these girls anyway. I'm doing my best though, I think Chick-fil-A may have helped too :)

I'm still here!

2010-04-27T04:48:00.001-07:00

I haven't blogged much lately, there's not much to blog about.

We got our patio and I LOVE it! It's so nice to finally be able to enjoy our backyard. Hmmm.... what else?

We're still doing weekly phone calls with Mama. She says things that I feel are inappropriate - like "I painted your bedroom" or "I bought you {insert cartoon character name here} bedding for your bed". Anyway, I told the SW and he agreed that it was inappropriate considering she doesn't even know if she'll be getting the girls back and it isn't ok to make empty promises to these girls. So, he said he had a little chat with her about what is appropriate and not appropriate to talk about. I don't know if he really talked to her or not, but she's still saying these things. S throws the phone and stops talking every time Mama says things like this. So, obviously she doesn't like it either.

I'm still waiting to hear about play therapy. It would be so nice to get this girl some help while she's here, while we can, before Mama gets her back and screws her up again.

Oh ya, and we got an alarm for her bedroom door. I AM IN LOVE! The kid loves to sneak out of her bedroom during nap time/bed time and she goes in the other bedrooms to play with the girls or sneaks in the paly room. Anyway, imagine her suprise when she tried sneaking out last night... muhahahaha.

We have court next month. It will be interesting to see what, if anything, comes out of it.

I never thought cement would make me so happy

2010-04-15T06:27:00.000-07:00

We have a screened porch but as soon as you step into the backyard it's just grass... well, dirt. There was grass when we moved in but the dogs like to dig. So, we have holes and dirt... mud when it rains. We are FINALLY getting a big patio! I am so excited. It will be perfect for backyard BBQs and fun in the sun. We'll have our fire pit out there for evenings by the warm fire and to make smores and more importantly, memories! The kids can do sidewalk chalk and The Chief and I can sit and relax while we watch the kids play.
The Chief is away right now... that's what happens when you're married to a Sailor. But, he'll be pleasantly surprised when he gets home and we have a patio :)

not so lucky

2010-04-13T06:10:00.000-07:00

Lately I've just been feeling discouraged. I love these girls with my whole heart, but when I'm constantly being reminded that I'm not their mother with calls from DSS, the GAL, bio mom... it just makes me wonder why I'm investing so much of myself into these little lives when they won't even remember me. Am I even making a difference? I'm working so hard to mold them into good people, yet it really won't matter once they leave and Mama takes over and screws them up.

Today, I got to shampoo S's closet. Why? Because she decided to pee in there. This girl is never going to be a "normal" kid as long as she is in foster care. It's too confusing for her. She tells me she has 2 mamas and I tell her how lucky she is. But she isn't. Yes, she has 2 families that love her but she doesn't get a say in any of this. She has to call this other woman once a week. And she doesn't want to. Before we called her last week I asked if she wanted to call and talk to her Mama. She said "no". I don't really have a choice, I was told to call her on a certain day at a certain time. So, we called anyway. We were on the phone for 20-25 minutes and S did not say a single word. She refused to speak to them. She's angry. And I'd be angry too if I were her. She's told when she can see that family, when she has to talk to them - she doesn't get a say in the matter. I just hope we can speed this process along (one way or the other) so she can heal and move on and before C has the chance to grasp what's going on.

visits, phone calls, & Easter - oh my!

2010-04-06T05:51:00.000-07:00

We called Mama 2 weeks in a row with no answer. Then, the girls had another visit. I stayed for the entire visit this time. I thought that would be awkward - maybe it was for her - but for me... it felt pretty natural. As natural as a visit with a birth parent in a tiny, dirty room at DSS can feel. C wanted to sit right with me and wanted nothing to do with Mama. But S colored and did a puzzle with her. I was able to talk to her - small talk about the girls. I also got a new phone number to call. So, the girls actually got to talk to her on Easter. Well, S did... but she kept throwing the phone and saying she didn't want to talk. That has to sting a little for Mama. But as the Chief says, "Good, I hope it stings... at least a little. Otherwise, when/if these girls go back nothing would have changed. She needs to know the pain of not having them so maybe she will appreciate them when/if she does".

The girls had a great Easter. It was difficult on me because the Chief had to work and our family lives too far away and S was a handful. I swear any change in our routine and it just throws her off. I'm pretty sure she has ADHD (and hopefully that's all) - though she's only 3 and probably too young to diagnose. I've never had to parent a child with ADHD and I don't feel like I know how... so every day is a learning experience for me. And Easter, well it was a challenge. It was the first time that I questioned my ability to do this... whole foster parenting thing. And that was really hard on me. I CAN do this and I AM doing this... I just need more tools. So, I'm working on that.

Anyway, in preparation for Easter we had to color eggs - of course. It was so fun to watch the girls create their works of art.

I'm just thankful we did it outside, because the little artists were a little messy.

The girls woke up on Easter to find their basket. We did a family basket this year - which I LOVED!

Then, the girls had an egg hunt. The little girls had to stop and open each egg as they found them. Needless to say, they only got 3 or 4 eggs while K found 27. She knows the drill... you don't stop until you've found them all, then you can open them up.

It was such a beautiful day out. They ended up putting on their new bathing suits (thanks Grandma S) and played in the sprinklers until our Easter "feast" (as they call it) was ready.

I have a ton of pictures from that day, but the whole privacy thing for foster children makes it difficult.

out of service

2010-03-18T07:51:00.001-07:00

I'm frustrated that the SW didn't notify the GAL about the visit last week. And I'm even more frustrated that I assumed she would be notified rather than just calling her myself.

Anyway, Mama was very friendly towards me. We're going to try a weekly phone call. Apparently, it will start next week because I called her this week and her phone was out of service.
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I may (or may not) have bribed S with girl scout cookies to get her to play soccer. All I know is that she played a great game! Maybe we will be signing her up again after all. Once she realized how fun it was she ran around the field with a huge smile on her face the whole time.... super cute :)

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Yesterday was BEAU-TI-FUL! I love watching my girls have so much fun together. We set the sprinkler under the trampoline and they jumped til their little hearts were content.

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"One moment can change a day, One day can change a life, One life can change the world" - I love this!

Wordless Wednesday: Happy St. Patrick's Day

2010-03-17T15:49:00.000-07:00

a la carte

2010-03-13T06:08:00.000-08:00

* The Chief ran a 10k last weekend. I would have ran with him but ~~I'm too lazy~~ ~~I hate running~~ I don't have a babysitter... otherwise, I so would have!

* The girls have a visit with Mama this week. I will finally be meeting her. I've been told by he GAL that Mama doesn't like us... I think she may have used the word "hate". Now, the SW is saying she's grateful that the girls are in a good home and she'd like to meet us. I'm sure the truth is somewhere in the middle.

* R loves soccer. She's doing great and has so much fun doing it. S... not so much. She just stands in the middle of the field and looks around, or sits on one of our laps and cries. I know who we won't be signing up again.

* K has strep throat. I'm just hoping everyone else doesn't get it.

* D was potty trained before C & S came to live with us. Once they got here she regressed. We got her back on track, minus nap & night time. Well, we are finally on day 3 of no pull-up during nap time with no accidents!

* I secretly want to home school my kids, but I think I'd lose my mind and the Chief thinks we'd be robbing them of "normal kid experiences". But he has also reminded me that just because they go to school doesn't mean that I can't teach them also. So, our first science lessons have shipped:
http://www.shop-insectlore.com/Butterflies/Butterfly+Garden+Shipped+with+Live+Caterpillars.axd
AND
http://www.shop-insectlore.com/Frogs+Aquatic+Life/Frog+Bog.axd.... I can not wait

Fun Day - Monday

2010-03-08T04:42:00.000-08:00

The in-laws came to visit us last month. While they were here they had decided that the big trampoline in the backyard wasn't enough for the girls. So, they ordered them a new toy. The Chief has been hard at work putting it together for them. And yesterday he finally finished....

The girls LOVE it! Thank you, Grandma & Grandpa :)

venting

2010-03-01T07:48:00.000-08:00

Seven months ago I was given a 6 month old and a 2.5 year old to take care and to love as my own. Time flies when you're having fun. Although, I'm not really having fun right now. It's beginning to look like Mama might put forth the effort needed to get her girls back. That would be awesome for her and the girls... if she actually changes. But it's the time between then and now that is difficult. She went almost 4 months without seeing them. They were actually doing great. Then, they had a visit last week. OMG S has been so hyper, defiant, sneaky, whinny, etc. ever since. I'm feeling like we need to just hurry and get them home (if that's where this is going to go) or adopt them (I like this choice). Visits are so disruptive. Really, rushing things along isn't in the best interest of the girls though. I know this. I don't really want that to happen. I'm just having a hard time dealing with S's behavior right now. And DSS is considering placing them back with Mama early. Why? Because they are very bonded to us, and think it would be unfair to let them continue bonding with us if they are going to leave. Wow. S has been in the system before. So, maybe we should actually make Mama FINISH her court ordered treatment plan. Let's break the cycle. Let's make sure she's serious about this. Anyone can fake it for a month or two, but to actually FINISH - that's another story. Let's not send them home prematurely, only to have them go right back into care - Now that would be unfair! Let's work on REGULAR visits. Four months in between isn't going to cut it. One drug test shouldn't cut it either, especially when it took her over 6 months to take it.

I spy with my little eye....

2010-02-27T09:31:00.000-08:00

YOU! I put this thing on my blog that monitors the traffic. It's so awesome. I had no idea people from all over actually read my blog... or at least stumble upon it and move on. Either way, there's been people from California (hi family!), Oregon, Washington, Texas, Florida, South Carolina, Georgia, Indiana, Maryland, Pennsylvania, Connecticut, Hawaii, and Italy (Hi GG!)... I think that's all for now. I even saw a CM lady had visited... there's a little shout out for you ;)
Anyway, I just thought it would be fun to see who's stopping by. So, feel free to say "hello" every once in a while <3

Fun Photo(s) Friday

2010-02-26T05:29:00.000-08:00

I was such a cute baby!

The Chief - he was destined to be in the military.

Snow Fun Saturday

2010-02-13T10:14:00.000-08:00

{Click to get up close & personal}

Not so wordless Wednesday

2010-02-10T08:59:00.000-08:00

I've managed to find Mama on various social networking sites on the web. She describes herself as "gutta" & "classy". I'm not sure those are 2 words that can ever be used together. I've also managed to learn that she, very recently, got married. I mean there's a picture of her in a white dress and she says she's married, so I can only assume. And the last name she's now going by... well, it would seem as though she married baby's daddy. The same baby daddy who is "in jail" but DSS can't seem to locate.....

I lie awake at night...

2010-02-08T12:20:00.000-08:00

... for hours, stressing... no, agonizing over what would be best for these girls. I've never wanted so much for somebody to succeed and fail all at the same time. I WANT their mother to fail. I don't want her to complete her treatment plan. I want her rights to be terminated so we can adopt these girls. I feel guilty for feeling like this. Yet, I want her to succeed too. I want her to be able to be a GOOD parent to these girls. They deserve that. I want her to know how amazing they are... and I want that to be enough to change her. But I fear that it won't be enough. She will only change as much as she needs to, to satisfy DSS and get the girls back, then she'll be right back to her old ways which is where my desire for her to fail comes back into play.

We live in a state where after children are in your care for 6 months you can get an attorney and file for TPR yourself - this doesn't guarantee that it will happen, but we have that right. We don't want to do this. We don't want to explain to these girls when they are teenagers and angry at the world, that WE did it. WE pushed to get THEIR mother's rights terminated. We understand that FAMILIES have roots.... something that we can never replace even if we can offer them every opportunity in the world.

We are willing to fight for these girls... for their best interest. The situation with the "family friend" - we were willing to fight. That was not in their best interest. Mama thought she'd be able to see the girls more and not have to deal with DSS, not have to complete her treatment plan. She wants to take the easy way out. She wants her girls, but doesn't want to work to get them back. We'll fight for that. As foster parents, it is our job to advocate for these kids. We're willing to go out and get an attorney when we feel their best interest isn't at the forefront of every decision.

So, I guess this is where I lie awake at night. What is best for them? I know what's best for me, I love these girls with my whole heart. But what's best for them? We are just taking things day by day... letting the courts decide. And we will take each situation/decision as they come and act accordingly.

bringing you up to speed

2010-02-04T07:39:00.000-08:00

Mama is back in town. She was supposed to have a visit about a week and a half ago.... she was having car promblems so it didn't happen. I'm not sure when her car will be fixed, but she might want a new machanic - just sayin. They haven't had a visit in over 3 months!

Mama had suggested moving the girls to a "family friend's" house. WHAT?!. DSS had actually considered it and looked into it. It turns out that the "family friend" was lied to about the situation and wasn't actually interested. Probably even less interested after she was told that she would be arrested if she let Mama see the girls without DSS's permission. We got a number to who we were told was "the BEST" attorney for this situation. We are holding on to it...

As of right now I've been told that the girls are not going anywhere. And if they do decide to move them we will be notified about a month before hand (plenty of time to get an attorney). And the GAL is determined to keep them here. So, I feel better about the whole situation.

On a seperate note:
R & S will be starting soccer this month! I can't wait to watch them run around the field trying to kick the ball into the right net... so cute :)

Starting Over

2010-01-28T05:14:00.000-08:00

I’ve been married to my awesome husband for 7 years - we'll call him Chief. We have 3 beautiful biological daughters and we’re also foster parents to 2 amazing little girls… yep, that’s a total of FIVE girls! Even with foster parenting my husband can’t get a son haha. Our girls are 1(C), 2(D), 3(S), 4(R), & 8(K).
As you can tell, I’ve erased all of my past entries. I’m starting over with the blog… trying to be a little more anonymous – just in case we have some crazies out there.
So, we’ve had our 2 newest additions for 6 months now. We just had foster care review board and the board has decided to recommend TPR. I’m not exactly sure what happens next, but we can find out together……